What the? Where the? Who did what now

The last 2 weeks have really tested my patience. I feel totally weighted down, heavy and bloated with no real understanding of why. It has felt like everything that I had recently resolved in my life has come undone and done a back flip and everything I thought I had obtained has now slipped from my grasp; it feels like im back in the 3d game and all the rules have changed and someone threw away the rule book.

Late yesterday I got news of a rumor that a permanent TL position had become available at work and that only 2 people were getting the opportunity to apply. I did not allow myself to be caught up in the gossip and decided to wait until today and have a quiet word with my TL. Unfortunately soon after arriving at work this morning I found that the day was DOWN FOR THE COUNT IN THE FIRST ROUND, no chance to confirm the rumor just yet.

I was then surprised at my lack of shock when the announcement was accidentally released to the team that one of the candidates had been successful in acquiring the TL position; the position that only a select few in the business knew was even available! Maybe it was the fact I never had much time to think about it that stopped me from getting angry and bitter, maybe I have become so immune to the never ending disappointment the place has dished up for me in the past that I did not seem to care very much or maybe its the other things going on in my life currently hold more importance and have tired me out so much that I just don't have the energy for it. I cannot hold the way that management choose to conduct their business against Miss K and I sincerely wish her all the best of luck in her new role.

For a business that publicly announces they're looking to better engage their employee's ummmm, this is not the way to do it! I personally feel that I would have liked someone to have at least had some courtesy to sit down and advise that the position I have been constantly expressing interest for was on offer and either allow for me to at least apply unsuccessfully or explain why they felt it unnecessary for me to apply... ok so I do have a little bit of anger now that I have had time to think about it...but tomorrow I will express my concerns and then get back to chewing on my old bones, Sigh! I must say though I was glad not to be a TL today.

Mr S, I hold such respect for the way you conducted yourself today, today you again showed true leadership! I personally feel that you have so much more to offer don't need no title to earn the respect of your colleagues.

On a different note... Tonight i let the emotions flow, my brother set me off. We have not argued since we were teenagers and tonight we argued about the smallest things like they were the end of the world, no matter what i said he felt the need to attack or defend. No matter what i said or how i tried to say it, we just fueled each others fire and frustrations; the family pride and stubborness we share was not going to allow us to understand where the other was coming from and we ended the call in anger. The i started to sob uncontrollablyabIy, i could not stop. Why did i find it so hard to tell him i miss him and his family, it was easy after the call ended. I think i need sleep.