We all hold family dear to our hearts, we all tend to have an unquestionable love for those we were born into companionship with; and most of the times we tend to hold a feeling of love for our family no matter what they do or what part they play in our lives.
At the throne are our parents. For most we have our mother and father, some they have one parent for whatever reason. We look to them for guidance and they shape and help mould us into young adults and then the reigns are handed over to us to shape the rest of our lives as we see fit. (Although most of us like to take the reigns a lot sooner)
Why is it then that it seems to me that a lot of people shape their lives based on the residual energy their parents leave behind, for some this leads to what they feel is a very happy path, for others they spend their life following or fulfilling their parents hopes and dreams and not their own. I have had many friends who went to uni or Chased down a successful career just so that their parents would be proud.
Then, for those of us who have siblings, we tend to look out for them and hold on to a need to protect them and do whatever we can to make their lives as safe as we can. I’ve known people who have gone into school yard battles that had nothing to do with them personally, but it did have something to do with family.
It’s like an unwritten law that if they're family you're supposed to love and forgive them forever no matter what. The question I have just started to ask myself is why? What gives family a free pass in the way they treat you? I for one felt there was a time for the free pass but there comes a time where this pass has an expiry date and for some of my family I have stamped it EXPIRED!
I could go into stories here as to why I have come to this conclusion, stories that may sway your view to side with mine. My reasons are my own though and I feel that no matter who the person is; to have them in my life they should hold the same virtues that I look for in my friends.
I do love my family, I hold each and every one of them dear to my heart but this does not mean I have to be their friend or that I have to respect the way they treat me or have treated me. I have taken a step back and if they wish to renew their pass or take out a new membership then my doors are always open.
Now; I know I am far from being perfect in their eyes either, But I have at least been open and honest in telling them my reasons for doing what I have done – Now it’s up to them!
A subject matter so very clse to my heart - you and I have discussed this in great detail so you know how I feel about this. I have been in the position where I have made choices about my life based on how pleased my parents, namely my dad, would be. I pretended for a long time it was what I wanted, mostly living my life through his expectations. But then it all caught up with me and I learned how to be brave and make my own choices regarding my career. With my siblings - well they are family and I was under the impression that for family, you suck it up and grin and bear it - but no more. You are right, you give a pass but the pass has an expiry date. For me it was a long time coming, always having to dance to their tune, and always feeling judged no matter what. Thing is, I was fighting for something I only just realised was not worth fighting for. Just because they are family doesn't mean they are worth it - because in my case, they aren't - and I've never felt better since I decided not to renew their pass.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing...
Shane, we have to love our family, it's a given, accepted in almost all societies. But I could feel what you mean here...I would give my life for my family even though one in particular has been stamped expired for me too,
ReplyDeleteI left home and went across the country when I was 15 to join the Navy. I see my parents the odd few days each year. My 2 bothers and 2 sisters are bit players in my life. I have never felt particularly close to any of them. That is not to say that I would not do anything in my powers to help any of them it just means that we are different. I have always felt it. I am (was) blonde, green eyed, right handed whereas my siblings are all brown haired, brown eyed and left handed (Milkman?). I excelled at school and sports and the others excelled at not much really although they are successful in marriage whereas I am/was not. I never did what my parents wanted so much as I followed my dream and they supported me rather than the other way around. I think this says more about me than them though and maybe I should just blog about it. Good post Shane :)
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